I am really quite happy to be posting something again. In the last few weeks we moved to a new house, and it has been fun, chaotic, worrisome and exciting. All feelings I LOVE to eat over. During this time I have not always been eating in keeping with my goals, shall we say. I think what has saved me is the sheer amount of physical activity I have been doing, and for once in my life I have felt too busy to eat. But I am not going to sell myself short. I did a few tricks that helped out tremendously. My weight loss coach suggested that I prep and freeze a few meals to have on hand during the move. It kept the pizza guy off of my speed dial. OK, well, a few times we ordered pizza, too. But overall this new behavior paid off.
Another thing that paid off is that I tended to have the same healthy breakfast and lunch every day, the same snacks; it is really just dinner that has been too big, so I am keeping to some of my good, new-found habits.
A few days ago I found the moving box that contained my scale. I set it up in my bathroom, and nervously stepped on. My weight had stayed the same for the last two weeks, even though I have had some pizza, and wine, and haven’t gone to the gym or Jazzercise in over 2 weeks. And my first thought was: “I don’t deserve these results.” Wow. Not: “Well, that is surprising. What have I been doing to get this result? Can I expect this trend to continue, or is it more likely that the scale will start going up if I don’t manage my night-time eating better? Maybe I can track my food this week and see how that is reflected in next week’s weigh-in?”
No, not a rational, calm thought like that. I thought: “I don’t DESERVE to see my weight stay the same.”
A few months ago at a Weight Watchers meeting the woman in front of me stepped on the scale for her weigh in…and Freaked. Out. She actually started shouting: “No, way, no freaking way!” Although she didn’t say freaking. The leader that day seemed a bit stunned.
I thought of what my regular WW leader Kelly, or my weight loss coach Heather would have said to this woman. I am pretty sure it would have been something along the lines of:
OK, let’s dissect this. It sounds like you were expecting a different result. What was your week like? Are you eating all of your points/calories or have you been under-feeding yourself? Did you track your food? Did you start a new exercise regimen like weight training? Have you had out of town company? What has your 6 week trend been like, not just this week? Are you hormonal? Did you have a big loss last week? Have you let go of some good habits this week that have served you well in the past? All of these things can affect the number on the scale.
I picture both Heather and Kelly encouraging this woman to not give up, not let one bad week derail her, to be kind and gentle with herself, to get extra support and help if she is feeling stuck.
I believe that thinking I don’t deserve to lose weight this week comes from the same place as throwing a tantrum. Both approaches are self-defeating. Both thoughts will make me feel like crap. Neither takes into account the big picture; neither relies on looking at the past week (or weeks) with a curious eye, honestly assessing what may be going on and making adjustments. And a harsh judgment or a melt down never seems to help me lose weight or feel good about myself.
So, I am taking the idea of deserving a certain number on the scale off my radar.
But I do deserve this:
I deserve healthy food. I deserve to treat myself with respect. I deserve the time and effort it takes to plan and track and prep my food. I deserve time for a good walk or a trip to the gym or Jazzercise. I deserve to be nice to myself even if I don’t like what the scale is saying.
You deserve it, too.