Confrontation. In A Good Way.

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Down 43 pounds so far

This week my trainer Thayne confronted me about something he is seeing in my behavior. He said that my commitment to getting to the gym has seriously fallen off, and then, when I am there, I am more likely to give 50-60% effort, instead of the 90-95% effort I had given in the past.
It was hard to hear, and I could tell, hard for Thayne to say. He told me something that really woke me up: He sees people quit when they start to behave like this. They lose their momentum, they get out of the habit, they don’t see results, so what is the point? I do not want to be one of those people.

We talked about how the lack of consistency and progress make it less fun, too. There have been times when I have loved this—pushing myself, doing something I didn’t think I could do, telling Thayne I can handle more weight, or pushing through to do the last few reps when I didn’t know I had it in me. Lately I have just been crabby a lot. OK: Bitchy. Complain-y. I know I complain a lot less when I am really feeling committed.

So he asked me to think again about my “why.” What is my motivation now?

I feel very clear about this: To get stronger and more flexible, to be able to do the things I want to do now and in the future. To hike, bike and have a good retirement and old age with Mac. To travel. To have freedom. To stick around for any grand-babies who might come along. To not be a burden in my old age. To stay mentally sharp. I’ve heard it said that fitness is the key to independent living as we age, and I want to be strong and independent and well, yes, I’ll say it: Bad Ass. Feisty.

I see role models who are doing this every day as they age. Thayne tells me about clients who recover from all sorts of injuries and ailments. They come in and do the work and push through. I see that my commitment is flagging when I skip work outs because I am “busy,” or have the sniffles. Lame.

I liked that I was becoming a person who would push through discomfort instead of giving up, and I do NOT want to lose that. It’s kind of Zen-like: An individual work out doesn’t make a difference in how I look, but wow, does it make a difference in how I feel!

And yes, of course I want to lose weight, but I know that mostly comes from the fork and not the gym. I felt less pressure when I took weight loss off of my goal sheet at the gym and just put getting stronger as my primary goal. But there is no denying it: Even at this weight my body looked better when I was working out harder and more consistently.

So those are most of my whys, but I have one more. I have never had someone who has cared as much as Thayne does about how I am progressing in the gym, how I am progressing with my physical goals. Having him as my trainer is a gift, one that I am stupid to take for granted. He said, “You are important to me; don’t quit.” That meant so much to me. I am working on finding that voice inside my own head that says to myself, “You are important to me, don’t quit.” Thayne is teaching me how to say that to myself, and I am so grateful.

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